You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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