I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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