You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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