please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
