did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
