no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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