Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
