i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
