I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm really busy with my period
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