two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
