I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
