i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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