dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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