I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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