why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
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