did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
We got so high we made milksteak
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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