I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
