just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
tonight lets celebrate not being married
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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