I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
