the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
