i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
