did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You are a genius and a whore.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
