Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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