Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize