How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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