Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize