So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
