are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
