Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
