he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
