I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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