i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
