I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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