she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Two words: blizzard sex
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
