I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
