butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
