Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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