The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
