i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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