90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We had sex on a dog bed..
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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