i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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