He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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