SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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