Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
not ubering you a puppy
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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