Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
