Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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