eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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