Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize