just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize