id be glad to
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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