so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
