something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
