I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
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