My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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