I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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