are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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