So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
