Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I need moral support for this bender
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
