i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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