You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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