I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
