i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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