I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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