Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
