you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Your penis caused this!
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