I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
