I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
