i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
