I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
