youre lurking in front of me
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
