this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
