May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize