Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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