I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
