I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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