not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
