Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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