Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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