Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
And then my night got REAL pukey
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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